Dear Anxiety

Dear Anxiety,

What do you want? You have a place in my life, but must you drop in so often? And unannounced at that! You are not needed here. I am blessed with loving and kind children. So what if my house isn’t the neatest? So what if I don’t prepare 6-course meals? I’m not trying to be Martha Stewart. I just want to get through one day without you. While I love the way you get hugged away, it makes me feel helpless and hopeless that I can’t keep you at bay on my own. So do me a solid–Fuck off. Right off.

Anxiety has plagued me for years. Being raised to believe therapy was only for white/rich families, I was hesitant to retread that ground. Therapy had failed once. Why would I try it again? Writing has always been therapeutic, so I found an empty notebook and began writing.

The letters I found myself writing were to my emotions. I asked them what they wanted from me. After years of not understanding myself and how I respond in certain situations, I began to recognize the patterns. I noticed the moments when I was triggered, how often I was annoyed due to lack of sustenance, or anxious just because. My first letter—the one to anxiety—sparked a daily journaling practice that keeps me in touch with where I am, how I show up, and how to cope with the emotions coursing through me.

Retreading ground that can leave you drained isn’t easy. It doesn’t feel safe to feel and replay emotions that stem from trauma. So I created a course and a journal for other women stuck in a cycle of avoiding emotions.